A Different Kind of Normal

When I chase fame I am desperately striving to be different than those around me.  But being different has negative connotations put on by society.  Different, strange, odd, weird, nerdy, geeky, funny, class clown, goody two shoes, smarty pants, straight, gay, black, white, colored, religious, atheist, blind, handicapped, retarded, dumb, talented, skilled, successful, etc.

I grew up being different.  I came from a large family with only brothers as siblings.  My parents never divorced.  I was home schooled because of elementary school violence.  I hated being a girl growing up with all brothers.  I lived on a farm and loved animals more than being with people.  I was super shy and had a hard time making friends.  I stood out because of my larger boy's clothing I would wear to be modest.  I didn't hang out, date or go to any school events, dances that didn't require the Marching/Pep/Concert band.  I was always more worried about school and good grades and bringing in good money to pay for college, than living a normal teenage life.

I was ridiculed, mocked, made fun of, teased, and persecuted not only by my peers but by myself as well.  Why?  Because I felt like I was soooooooooooooooooooooooooo different than others I was around. 

Now as a mother, I am finding that talents and abilities that used to set me apart are majorly the same as what other women and especially mother's that I come in contact with have as well.  After trying to live a life where I could be different because of some talent or ability or skill that I have gained, I find that my talent's aren't unusual, or special...or so I feel.  In fact to put it clearly I have felt that I have nothing to offer others because they have what I have.  This type of thinking leads me to feeling incompetent, lacking in self confidence, normal instead of different. 

Something I have taken my whole life to over come I am now trying to get back as I chase after fame.  I find myself wanting to be different again, because I have no clue how to act, and what to do being normal and have commonalities with others I hang out with.