Gloria Gloria!

Warriors sought after glory, to be honored of men for their good works in keeping the people/village/town/city/culture free.  Good men and women have received glory and honor for making positive changes in society.  Glorious changes like Thomas Edison, Benjamin Franklin, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Joseph Smith Jr., Mohandas Karamachand Gandhi, Elenore Roosevelt,  Susan B. Anthony, and tons more.
Looking back over our history as human beings, there are tons of people who wanted to see something become better, and they actually did something about it.  So how do we as every day Joe's and Jane's make changes that are positive, and will affect tons of people down the road?  We do something to change our life.  That's right.  If I want to do something awesome, but want to do it because I feel that it is right.  But how does a no-one like me do something big?  I start by changing myself.  I start getting smarter and learning street smarts, politic smarts, education smarts, learning what's good for the environment, how to keep my kids healthy/active/smart/safe.  I learn about spiritual things too.

Life is like a huge scale.  You have to balance work, family life, trials, happy times, health, sickness, worldliness and spirituality.  Okay, so there are tons of different religions, faiths, beliefs out there, what do you do?  Where do you go?  What should you look at?  Its up to you!  What religion, faith, belief will support you in your toughest time?  What will teach you truth and light and dis spell the darkness and lack of spiritual peace?  I known what I believe to be true.  And I am happy with the religion I am enveloped in.  I am happy, I am growing, I am learning, I am feeding my Spirit and my mind by attending the church that I do, and by following the Commandments that I follow.  I get to use my agency, my free agency to choose to do good or choose to do evil.  I know the difference between the two, and know that when I try to do good I am more happy then if I do any of the following five things: 1. choose to do evil, 2. don't do anything, 3. let my natural or carnal self over take my spiritual guidance, 4. have someone else force me to choose how I live my life, 5. have someone else tell me what I can or can't do, taking away my agency.  

By living my life, and trying everyday to do better than I did before, and to keep repenting of my mistakes, transgressions, and sins, by forgiving others and forgiving myself and asking to be forgiven, and by allowing God to help me, I come to realize that I don't need to chase fame and honor of the world.  I am more happy to please my God, and live a good happy life.  And in-so-doing I'm glorifying my Lord!

A Different Kind of Normal

When I chase fame I am desperately striving to be different than those around me.  But being different has negative connotations put on by society.  Different, strange, odd, weird, nerdy, geeky, funny, class clown, goody two shoes, smarty pants, straight, gay, black, white, colored, religious, atheist, blind, handicapped, retarded, dumb, talented, skilled, successful, etc.

I grew up being different.  I came from a large family with only brothers as siblings.  My parents never divorced.  I was home schooled because of elementary school violence.  I hated being a girl growing up with all brothers.  I lived on a farm and loved animals more than being with people.  I was super shy and had a hard time making friends.  I stood out because of my larger boy's clothing I would wear to be modest.  I didn't hang out, date or go to any school events, dances that didn't require the Marching/Pep/Concert band.  I was always more worried about school and good grades and bringing in good money to pay for college, than living a normal teenage life.

I was ridiculed, mocked, made fun of, teased, and persecuted not only by my peers but by myself as well.  Why?  Because I felt like I was soooooooooooooooooooooooooo different than others I was around. 

Now as a mother, I am finding that talents and abilities that used to set me apart are majorly the same as what other women and especially mother's that I come in contact with have as well.  After trying to live a life where I could be different because of some talent or ability or skill that I have gained, I find that my talent's aren't unusual, or special...or so I feel.  In fact to put it clearly I have felt that I have nothing to offer others because they have what I have.  This type of thinking leads me to feeling incompetent, lacking in self confidence, normal instead of different. 

Something I have taken my whole life to over come I am now trying to get back as I chase after fame.  I find myself wanting to be different again, because I have no clue how to act, and what to do being normal and have commonalities with others I hang out with.

Fame or Glory

When you become famous you get lots of attention, you are stalked and followed by everyone and their dog so they can get a photo with you or of you, so they can get your autograph and then sell it to make money of their own.  You have to have body guards for public events.  Your children are branded by your fame, and lead lives of public scorn, jest, and notice. 
Do I really want that for my family?  Heck NO!  Even though I chase fame, I really just want Glory.  The glory of God.  I enjoy leading a life of a nobody.  I enjoy introducing myself to people and no one really know who I am.  I enjoy leading a quiet life of love, happiness, and peace. 

My little moments of fame are  all I can handle.  You know may know me as the mom who can't control her children in a store.  As the mom who gets frustrated when her children choose to disobey her.  As the mom who looks pregnant even when she's not.  As the wife who is just now learning how to cook healthy meals for her family.  As the wife who hates to clean her house, but does so anyways.  As the woman who doesn't know how to use a curling iron, a flat iron, or a blow dryer.  As the woman who is just now learning how to apply makeup in a natural way.  As the woman who doesn't have confidence in herself, and so has never branched out to do the things she dreams of doing.

Does fame give you confidence?  I am willing to bet no.  If you don't believe in yourself, and if you don't feel like you have anything to offer then why would being famous help you out?  Being famous doesn't guarantee that you have something to offer the world or people in general.  But if you do feel like you have something to offer, shouldn't you start by having the desire to be the best you can be with those whom you love, and who love you?  Even though I'm not the perfect role model for a mother, wife, and woman I do have people who love me.  Even though I still don't think any of my talents and abilities God has given me are better than someone else's or really of importance, I do have talents, abilities, and skills that I secretly work on so I don't lose them. 
I mean there's tons of people who can write better than me, and have better grammar.  There are tons of people who are better artists, painters, muralists, and crafty people than me.  There are tons of people who can afford to be self employed or be working mothers than me.  There are tons of people who have learned to use their talents to better their part of the world.  And that's because they have confidence in themselves. 
So let me ask you, if you could do something because money wasn't an issue, because time wasn't an issue, because square footage wasn't an issue, because nothing was an issue...would you go for it?  Would you stop letting that mangy cat dash your dream bubbles to pieces, and go after your "dream"?  Do you want fame or glory?

Pretence Lying

I love getting things for free.  For many different reasons.  It saves money, especially when you don't have money, or are really poor and tight financially. 

I have been a member of the yahoo group freecycle.org for the past 5 years.  I have always had no less than 2 different email addresses and aliases assigned to freecycle in my area.  Now this is pretty tricky because when I needed to get rid of items, I had to give the same address or phone number. 
After a while people start to realize that something foul is going on, and start ignoring my emails wanting to pick up items.  That gets very frustrating.  But half as frustrating as my next story.

I'm a mother of younger kids, and right now, we're pretty tight on money trying to pay off some major debt.  So I really like finding good deals.  Well I had a good amount of baby and toddler items I didn't feel like keeping, so I tried to sell them on the local classifieds and craigslist.com.  I didn't get a single bite.  That was really sad, because I really needed good money for these really well kept items.  So I took them to the store Kid to Kid, and hoped to get no less than $35 for everything.
(I had a car seat only used for 8months, baby toys used only for 6 months, and lots of baby clothes)  I figured that was a fair deal, they'd be able to sell everything for more than I hoped to get from everything.  Well on the Kid to Kid sell form, they ask you if you want to donate unwanted items or pick them back up.  Well I said donate, figuring there wouldn't be much they wouldn't want. 

After waiting all weekend I went in on Monday to pick up my money.  They were only going to give me $13 cash or $15.89 store credit.  They only wanted the car seat.  So I lost out big time on everything else I donated.  Now the thing that made me realize I was paying for my many many months of lying, is that they claimed everything else I had brought in had stains on them.  Which without pictures I know beyond a shadow of a doubt they were NOT stained.  I figured they wouldn't want stained items.  So I was cheated out of $$ because I had cheated others out of their free items all because I was pretence lying.

Moral of the story, I'm now off freecycle.org, and if I ever get on again, I will be myself, and not lie.  I am going to be honest in my dealings with my fellow men, women and children.  Because bad charma really does exist.  So I'm leaving the bad and bringing the good into my life!

Pretending Too Much

Chasing fame is a lot like plotting out a life time of dreams, wishes, and ideas that would land you in the spot light, and well hopefully alotta dough $$! Dreams can be categorized in groups of realistic dreams, slumber dreams, and fantastical dreams.

Realistic dreams: goals you want to accomplish that may take time, life titles or labels you desire to have associated with you.

Slumber dreams: dreams you have while sleeping that helps you come to a better understanding of yourself, and what you really want out of the journey called life.

Fantastical Dreams: dreams or wishes you have from watching movies, reading books, or going to a Magical theme park.

So what happens when you push away your realistic because they either seem too hard, or its the wrong timing in your life?  You start to bring your slumber dreams and fantastical dreams to life.  This involves a lot of pretending.  But what is pretending...sometimes it could be considered lying.  For instance, when you want to take advantage of something free, so you come up with many different names, addresses, and life styles for each of your new aliases.  Or when you pretend to be someone you are not, and start to get in trouble so you continue to pretend, and pretend, and lie and lie...blah blah blah...until

BAM WHAM KURPLUNK!  Liar Liar your pants really DO catch on FIRE!

Let me give you some examples from my life that just recently happened that opened my eyes to pretence lying.

The Art of Growing: Hanging Art

Art to hang is good art.  Compared to life, its the good times, the happy thoughts, the great memories.  I love hang-able art.  

Good Times: casserole surprise dinners, playing with children, hearing a baby laugh, going swimming, watching the sun rise or set, taking a nap, reading a good book, getting a nice big hug!

Happy Thoughts: Starting an Art Gallery/Museum for the Blind, where they can touch all the paintings, sculptures, and where seeing people can experience life challenges as a blind person.  Starting a charity to get people to help each other using their talents, time, and resources, to heal the sick and afflicted.  Spending time together as a family.

Great Memories: the many trips my family has taken to Disney World. Why? Because each trip got better and more fun! Being young you're completely enthralled with the magic of Disney, all the pretty things, and Characters that come around to see you as a child. Being a teen you focus on running through the place getting in as many rides as you can, beating the long lines, and acting cool on scary rides. Being an adult and going with your own children, lets you have fun with the characters again, you get to unleash your inner child without feeling stupid. Adults love to relive the good old days.

When I actively chase fame I forget about my hang-able art.  I forget all the good times I have experienced in my life.  I forget what truly makes me happy.  I forget that I do actually have great memories, and want to keep making more each day.  Chasing fame is hard, disappointing most of the time, easy for me to become pessimistic and depressed.  Chasing fame usually means I'm trying to figure out how to change my normal life into a life where people all over know who I am, and I have lots of money.  But if I were famous I would have a really hard time covering my life with hanging art.

Chasing Fame: The Beginning

Chasing fame began in Elementary school.  I had some friends, but I was never satisfied having friends in the unpopular crowd or rather, the everyday happy go lucky crowd.  I remember this time when we had to do some P. E. testing, I was the only person in my class who couldn't do any pull ups.  Not a single one, and to this day at age 26 I still can't do a pull up or chin up, what ever the politically correct term is.  Now let me tell you, growing up I was in a working family, we all worked hard to keep our farm running smoothly.  In my free time I would play with my siblings by climbing trees or swing sets, running, basically being very active.  It is still a mystery as to why being able to pull my body into trees, I couldn't pull my body up for 1 chin up for a P. E. test.
Well to make up for it, I was going to run as quickly as possible.  Try to get as many chips as a girl runner as I could.  But as I passed my group of friends for maybe the third time before they had completed three turns around the out door track, I realized I craved friendship more than good grades, so I hung back with them, and we would talk, eat honey suckle, and take turns carrying each other.  I had a very slight case of dyslexia, and probably also lied about my weight, and claimed I was 23 pounds instead of 32 or what ever my actual weight was so I was carried the most and longest by my friends even though I knew I wasn't the lightest girl there.  It felt great to have those girls be there for me.  Being carried I felt like a queen, with many happy servants just for me and my every beck and call. 

Fame wasn't always easy to chase.  Especially for a plane Jane girl, of ordinary background, and of the unpopular crowd, and without any spectacular abilities, skills, or talents.  So I improvised by trying many different ways to gain my Fame!

Fame Part 2

"Were not this desire of fame very strong, the difficulty of obtaining it, and the danger of losing it when obtained, would be sufficient to deter a man from so vain a pursuit."

Author: Joseph Addison
Source: in "The Spectator", no. 255


"And what after all is everlasting fame? Altogether vanity."
Author: Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (Marcus Aurelius)
Source: Med (4, 33)


"Read but o'er the Stories Of men most fam'd for courage or for counsaile And you shall find that the desire of glory Was the last frailty wise men put of; Be they presidents."
Author: Jan van olden Barneveldt
Source: reprinted by A.H. Bullen

http://www.oppapers.com/essays/Fame-Worth-Not/79703
Submitted by: timmysgirl
http://searchwarp.com/swa218008.htm
by E. Raymond Rock



Is fame really all that it is chalked up to be?  Does anyone really want to be famous?  If vainity is up their ally then probably yes.  So does this mean that I am vain...probably yes too.

Fame Part 1

What is fame?  Why is it so good?  How does one get the title?  Is it really worth it all?  Do I qualify for it?
Will fame really get me to heaven? 

Fame: "the state or quality of being widely honored and acclaimed"

"Fame is the thirst of youth."
- Lord Byron
For Byron, the desire for fame is a notable characteristic of the young, who are desperate to make their mark and leave an impact on society, and to forge their own identity. This is probably still the case, as people either give up on their desire for fame as they get older, or get distracted by other things.


"My career should adapt to me. Fame is like a VIP pass wherever you want to go."     
- Leonardo Dicaprio
Leonardo comments on why fame is so attractive to many people - it is a form of power over other people. Normally there are limits as to what we can do and get away with - limits to our freedom. For the famous celebrity however, it seems that they can do pretty much whatever they like, and go wherever they want, with people looking up to and respecting them.

"Even for learned men, love of fame is the last thing to be given up."
- Tacitus
And it is precisely this elevated status, this power over other people and greater freedom, that makes fame so attractive. That's why it can seem so incredibly tempting to those that don't have it. As Tacitus mentions above, the greed for fame is a powerful seducer, and is hard to give up for human beings.

For more Fame quotes check out this link: http://www.saidwhat.co.uk/thearticles/fame

Frozen in Time

Sitting seems to bring me nothing so I start to twirl and spin while thinking about what to do.  My body?  It does nothing, a fossil frozen in time.  As I circle faster and faster I feel my body becoming a whirling dervish, minus the sacred chants.  The lights flitter and flutter around and around slowly at first, then fast as can be.  My eyes roam back and forth back and forth trying to stay focused on an object in the distance.  Its very small and very dark.  My mysterious thing bobs through the lights coming towards me.  I think.  Yes!  It is coming to me, is this me waking up?

Taking a deep breath I open my eyes.  The darkness is starting to glow showing that the time has passed more quickly than I thought.  Wiggling and flexing my toes, and leg muscles and arms and fingers I realize I'm back in my body.  It was only a dream...a horrible one at that. 

Getting ready for the day I wonder why I would have frozen on stage?  Do I really get stage fright?  I am constantly in a spot light...well sort of.  People know who I am, and ask me to do lots of things for them.  Sometimes I feel like a slave, the general laborer gofer.  Popping over there for food for the little one, digging over here for toys to play with the older one, scrambling this way and that trying to find the phone that's blaring the man's ring.  Who wouldn't think about slavery every once in a while?

I'm the mom whose children scream and cry very LOUDLY at any store because they want their own way, and make it very hard to get to that alleged highway option.  I'm the wife who forgets to put away the sour cream after dinner, and find it the next morning on the counter where I left it.  I'm the customer who is rarely satisfied and so complains very LOUDLY when I don't get my way, I don't understand what the Rep on the phone is saying because of the language barrier, and static.  I'm the person who chases after real spot lights trying to avoid the spot lights that find me unprepared. 

 I am the person who's looking for fame fortune and glory!

Stage Fright

I float up and out into the audience.  Do I know these people staring at my body in a very creepy deathly still way?  What type of people are they anyways?  I focus on the woman in the middle of the crowd.  Her purple lined eyes lead me to her fiery red eyes like a target.  My eyesight zooms fast, faster, quick as lightning into her eyes like an arrow.  Bing!  I hit the target, with such speed that I pass right through the woman, as if she were an illusion.  Or am I the illusion?  Am I the odd one out?  Yes!  This has to be it.  I have found out why I was called here during this most random dream, and now any minute I'll wake up thinking "What the heck?  Where'd that dream come from?"
Waiting...



Waiting...


Still WAITING...
Um...OK I guess I'm not waking up right now.  So I float back to my body, dancing around it I try to get back into it.  Cartwheel turn and jump into my body's head.  I jump up only to glimpse my body still sitting like a downed duck before I pass through the ceiling of the building.  That didn't work, lets try something different.  Try and try, jumping, running, snuggling, snoozing but nothing puts my spirit back into my body. 
Has the end finally come?  Am I going to be doomed to this outer body experience for the rest of my...uh...life?  Will I ever wake up? 




will i?

One, two, three...

Standing there I look out at the audience my jaw down and open.  What the...how did I get here?  What am I supposed to do?  The microphone looks forlorn, scary, stark.  Want to know how quickly the nervous laughter kicks in?  From the audience, well I couldn't hear that over my own donkey bray.  I go on and on and on until

THUNK.............GASP!!

one...breathe...two...breathe...three...breathe
I open my eyes and look up, the lights are suffacating me.

Light...

Blue sky burns orange, red, pink smoking the clouds purple as the sun sinks below the horizon.  O dark night, how I love you. The sun sinks below the horizon so I can fall asleep.  Black skys, clear of star blinks, hide secrets of the soul. Allowing sleep to claim my mind, the lights turn on. My eyes start moving back and forth and back forth. Flashing, twirling, strobing, totally blinding my body to the senses as the dream enfolds me, slinging its silky black arms around me. Those arms start tightening, twisting, wrapping around my still body, but I feel nothing. I look around confused, seeing myself outside my body, like I’m watching a movie but somehow I’m on the set. Then it hits me

 I AM IN THE SPOT LIGHT!!